Orogophilia is not a dirty word. I cobbled it together from the Greek root word for Mountain (oro) and love (philos). It is an obsession, a love affair, and the closest I will ever again come to religion. It is a way of life and a recreation, a series of technical skills woven together through trial and plenty of error, consummated by the simple act of walking. It has become the fabric of my existence, the breath of life and the elyxir of youth. Orogophilia is a lifelong story that starts in memory and ends in dream. It is, essentially, essential.
When I was a teenager, I thought that hiking was pretty close to the stupidest thing a person could want to do, other than jogging. My poor mother tried to get me interested in it with a hike up Parkman Mountain in Maine, but I didn't enjoy the trip very much. It was muddy, cold, and the view wasn't anything I couldn't find pictures of on the Internet. What was the point of it all? And as for running – well, unless I was being chased by something rabid, there didn't seem to be much point to that, either. I'd grown up on a rural family farm and knew the worth of hard physical labor, but exercising for its own sake seemed like pure idiocy.
Flash forward a bit to my first backpacking trip when I was about 18, up Saddleback Mountain (also in Maine). I don't remember exactly what inspired the trip, but it was definitely tied to my first full-time office job. Previously, I'd been a waitress, a stable hand, a siding and window installer – and now I found myself trapped behind a desk collating files for hours on end. My brain was numb with boredom, and I had a growing intuition that something within me was suffocating and would only survive if I got out of the world of concrete and cars and flourescent lighting, and back into the world of trees and soil and sky. I was working in Portsmouth, New Hampshire at the time, and my boyfriend had some knowledge of hiking and backpacking gear, but we couldn't afford to buy much. So we overloaded a couple of book bags with too much of the wrong gear, strapped on some old work boots, and struck out.
It wasn't long before things started to go badly for us. Saddleback is one of the more strenuous hikes in Maine, and nowadays I could recommend a half-dozen hikes off the top of my head that would have been better for first timers. Neither of us was in good enough shape to do the hike in good spirits, and we did not have the right gear. We didn't have an accurate map, and the weather was horrible. After a particularly bad stream crossing, we decided to cut the trip short and, thanks to that bad map, promptly got lost. It turned out that the ATV trail that looked on the map like it looped back to the parking lot actually continued for a very long ways before connecting to a main road nowhere near our car. Thankfully, a couple came by on ATVs and were gracious enough to give us a ride back, thus ending my first foray into the world of backpacking.
Despite everything about that trip, I couldn't get it out of my mind. I kept going over what I'd done wrong, how I could have done it better, and the thought that I had failed to reach the simple goal of walking up a hill kept eating at me. There was something else about it, too, something that struck a chord in me and set up a resonance that has grown like a reverse echo until it has come to dominate much of my world. I would think about it now and then, especially when I moved and had to dust off the tent and other bits of gear from that trip.
It wasn't until eight years later, after being married and divorced, after having been a couch potato smoking two packs a day, after years of dreary office work, after having shut off my mind and soul to accommodate a life that was slowly crushing me, after losing everything I had thought mattered in my world and having to start from scratch... it wasn't until then that I remembered the mountains. I was living with my mom and stepdad after my divorce, when we took in a dog who needed a temporary home. His name was Chance, and it somehow ended up being my task to take care of him. He was the most obnoxiously hyper, disobedient dog I'd ever met, but there was something about him that made me think maybe he just needed something he hadn't had before in his little life. I myself could hardly sit still at work, and spent hours every night pacing back and forth on the porch instead of sleeping. I felt caged, ready to come out of my skin at any moment. Chance and I were so obviously kindred spirits that I did for him what I needed for myself. I stopped putting him in a cage at night and let him take up most of my bed. I started walking him every day, working on basic obedience and learning to be patient and calm when he wasn't. Sure enough, both of us began to evolve. Walking with him took the place of pacing, and I started sleeping better. Focusing his energy allowed Chance to calm down when he was in the house, and through it all, we bonded deeply. I talked my parents into letting me keep him, and we walked together more and more, and then started jogging some as well. It wasn't long before I felt the call of paths that did not involve the narrow shoulder of busy roads, or houses every few hundred feet, or cars that can barely be bothered to pull out two feet around a pedestrian. I needed to get out of the scrutiny of people who are not used to seeing joggers. Chance needed to run, and I needed freedom. That's when we discovered the hills.
Tumbledown, Saddleback, Bald Pate, Old Speck, The Bigelows... whether we went for an afternoon or a whole weekend, Chance and I roamed through paths along streams and rivers, climbed to alpine lakes and breathed the deep, cool air that pools in the quiet valleys where there are no roads and no towns and no need to hold back, hold in, restrain or otherwise pretend to be well-behaved. My stepdad had been an avid backpaker in his younger days, and offered sage advice and the use of his old equipment. After just a few hikes, I dared to let my little buddy off his leash, despite dire warnings that he would not come back when called. I laughed aloud at his obvious joy as he flashed through the woods, chasing after squirrels or chipmunks or leaves in the breeze, his muscles rippling under his deep golden fur. Sometimes I would run with him, a girl and her dog moving or stopping as the mood suited. And he always came back to me, as I knew he would. Freedom and mountains and joy were now inextricably linked together, and I found healing and peace for the first time in a very long time.
Flash forward a couple more years. Chance has tragically passed away, but my love for the mountains and wild places has only grown. I've moved from Maine to Vermont, and taken up more hobbies that keep me out where the wild things are. I've taken to running more and more, despite the notable lack of rabid predators. This year, I will complete my first half-marathon, and I have my sights set on a full trail marathon and maybe one day one of those insane ultras that make people shake their head and question a runner's grasp on sanity.
I understand now what the point of it all is. When I set out to hike a mountain or to run a trail, I am not just peakbagging or logging miles, but embarking on a pilgrimage back to my center, back to the truth of what is essential to my being. To feel my whole body working as a unit, to feel muscles gathered under my skin, to surge up a hill and push through that final tenth of a mile to a summit... to reach a point faster than I have before, to dash through a stand of hemlocks imagining myself a deer on the hoof... to see what's around the next bend and over the next hill, to cling to the frame of a firetower I forced myself to climb because, dammit, I hiked all this way and am not going to let a little fear of heights stop me now... to stand perfectly still and hold my breath and hear nothing but the forest patiently growing... to sit beside a stream and listen to the sweet play of water and stone... to hold still enough to hear snowflakes drifting over the sleeping world... to ski down a hill steeper and faster than I've ever dared before... to always surpass the limits I set on myself, to be free and honest and alive. That is the point of it.
That is Orogophilia.

My Chance